![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Dec. 7th, 2011
Isis did so well on the Oroquin, the off-label treatment for the neurological disease we had been fighting (EPM) since August. She was back to herself. I was so excited to have my girl back: to hear her nicker when I walked into the barn, pull a halter off the wall and toss it on the ground to get my attention, and to be riding again. I wasn't posting here. I have a backlog of posts showing how much she improved on the Oroquin. She had an incredible last week. So much improvement, so much back to her mischeivious self.
And now she is gone: her life stolen by the same disease we had been treating. Something happened to her brain to cause the symptoms she had. Was it the EPM, brain trauma, or what? I don't know. The only final kindness I could do was to let my dearest girl go. Isis died October 11 at 9:00. Letting her go was the best option, as much as it broke my heart.
How do you say goodbye to a mare who has been the center of your life for 18 years? You don't say goodbye. You remember the intense joy of sharing your life with such an amazing mare. She was the center of my world and she knew it. She jealously protected me from other horses and gave her affections and nickers freely.
Sleep well, my sweet little girl. I will miss you so much.
And now she is gone: her life stolen by the same disease we had been treating. Something happened to her brain to cause the symptoms she had. Was it the EPM, brain trauma, or what? I don't know. The only final kindness I could do was to let my dearest girl go. Isis died October 11 at 9:00. Letting her go was the best option, as much as it broke my heart.
How do you say goodbye to a mare who has been the center of your life for 18 years? You don't say goodbye. You remember the intense joy of sharing your life with such an amazing mare. She was the center of my world and she knew it. She jealously protected me from other horses and gave her affections and nickers freely.
Sleep well, my sweet little girl. I will miss you so much.
All of the details...
Dec. 7th, 2011 12:42 amFor many years, I wrote about Isis' medical issues on my primary blog, Y Ceffyl Du. After Isis passed, I indexed all of Isis' posts related to her EPM issues.
This post provides a table of contents and timeline for everything that happened with Isis while she had EPM in 2011. It's not been an easy journey, but I am so glad that she had a few great days. I got my girl back before she left for good.
Isis was first diagnosed with EPM in June 2009. She had an acute onset with atypical symptoms: moderate ataxia (loss of coordination), blindness, and deafness. She didn't know me, and I had had her since the day she was born. She was admitted to the hospital and seemed to recover on her own. After four days, she came home, sight and hearing in tact and most of her coordination back. We did a month treatment of Marquis and she responded very well.
Once Isis was diagnosed with EPM, my vet and I decided to try Isis on the 10-day treatment for EPM of Oroquin-10. This new treatment is available from Pathogenes, a company in Florida.
( Read more... )
Guide to Isis' EPM history
This post provides a table of contents and timeline for everything that happened with Isis while she had EPM in 2011. It's not been an easy journey, but I am so glad that she had a few great days. I got my girl back before she left for good.
Previous EPM history
Isis was first diagnosed with EPM in June 2009. She had an acute onset with atypical symptoms: moderate ataxia (loss of coordination), blindness, and deafness. She didn't know me, and I had had her since the day she was born. She was admitted to the hospital and seemed to recover on her own. After four days, she came home, sight and hearing in tact and most of her coordination back. We did a month treatment of Marquis and she responded very well.
| Date | Description | Result |
| 5/22/2009 | Lameness exam | Isis was weaker on her right side and was dragging her back toes. A lameness exam by the vet showed possible beginnings of arthritis in her hocks. |
| 6/24/2009 | Initial EPM episode | Summary of Isis' EPM episode from June 2009 including symptoms and hospitalization. |
| 6/24/2009 | Update from vet visit | Next steps on how Isis' case would be treated. |
| 6/27/2009 | Marquis EPM treatment started | Initial treatment for EPM started. Isis responded very well to it. |
| 11/28/2009 | Choking episode | Isis had a mild chocking episode. The stress caused her to exhibit some of the same symptoms she had with EPM (indicates her nerves hadn't fully healed yet). |
Summer 2011 EPM history
Once Isis was diagnosed with EPM, my vet and I decided to try Isis on the 10-day treatment for EPM of Oroquin-10. This new treatment is available from Pathogenes, a company in Florida.
( Read more... )
Healing takes a long time
Dec. 7th, 2011 12:55 amIt's been almost two months since Isis passed. I took a brief break from working and read through the post I wrote about Kasane at the Pony Club / Horsemaster game day. Kasane was such a goof that day -- and she was so good. Remembering that day made me smile.
And then I came to the post of Isis' EPM history. I kept scrolling. I don't know why. Stupid, stupid me.
I should have known better than to read through the front page of my blog. Because I saw her pictures, on the ground, with her legs out and the memories came flooding back. Remembering with a slow-motion clarity like watching a deer crashing into a car with a kamikaze-certainty. The vet telling me to stand back because being near Isis could be dangerous because of her lack of coordination. Isis nickering as the vet came near and inserted the needle with the final dose of good-bye meds. Isis nickering and then falling, falling sideways. Landing on the muddy ground with a squish, slide. Stillness. Putting my hand on her neck and feeling the fading spirit fly to another pasture.
My poor little girl.
And then I came to the post of Isis' EPM history. I kept scrolling. I don't know why. Stupid, stupid me.
I should have known better than to read through the front page of my blog. Because I saw her pictures, on the ground, with her legs out and the memories came flooding back. Remembering with a slow-motion clarity like watching a deer crashing into a car with a kamikaze-certainty. The vet telling me to stand back because being near Isis could be dangerous because of her lack of coordination. Isis nickering as the vet came near and inserted the needle with the final dose of good-bye meds. Isis nickering and then falling, falling sideways. Landing on the muddy ground with a squish, slide. Stillness. Putting my hand on her neck and feeling the fading spirit fly to another pasture.
My poor little girl.
And the baby claims the universe
Dec. 7th, 2011 12:57 amKasane knew when Isis had passed. All of the horses had come running up to the front of the pastures and watched her. I had felt Isis pass the torch to Kasane over the summer. It's hard to describe what that is like, sensing your older mare watch you and be less affectionate and then have the youngster suddenly demand attention.
Once Isis passed, Kasane started calling to me when I went out to the barn. She yells at me now if I don't come to see her and she hears my voice. She comes running up to the pasture to meet me. "You're mine now," she says, "and the center of the universe is here, where you should be. Worship me."
She knows how to heal this girl's heart.
If you listen carefully, you'll hear her nicker to me as she canters up to greet me.
Once Isis passed, Kasane started calling to me when I went out to the barn. She yells at me now if I don't come to see her and she hears my voice. She comes running up to the pasture to meet me. "You're mine now," she says, "and the center of the universe is here, where you should be. Worship me."
She knows how to heal this girl's heart.
If you listen carefully, you'll hear her nicker to me as she canters up to greet me.